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My husband cosigned for a 50,000 dollar loan for his mother and his mother is schiaphrenic.She was about to lose her house cause she didn't pay her taxes.They kept it from me because I would of freaked out and I found out when I looked up her house online and found my husband's name on her house.He said he had to do it because she would be homeless and be on the street.My husband gave her the money and let her spend it foolishly knowing she has a history with compulsive spending.Mother-n-law has to sell the house before September 1 because there is no more money for the mortgage.She promised to sell the house in June and keeps coming up with excuses that's she needs more time to get the house ready.My husband believes everything she says and lets her handle it.There' only one month left and the house will be foreclosed and she will lose her house and ruin his credit.I've been with my husband for 13 years and we have a 12 year old child together.Should I try to work it out or leave him?
Would I be pissed? Absolutely. Not necessarily that he signed the loan (no one wants thier mother to be homeless) but that he hid it from me and that he allowed Mom complete access to the money knowing her history of compulsive spending / poor money management (at least, according to you). Would I leave my husband of 13 years over this? No, **IF** he was willing to now step up and took control of the situation (he has to ensure the house gets listed for sale ASAP), and he promised me that it wouldn't happen again. If you live in the US… Does your husband understand how this can affect you? This is more than just ruining his credit. If the home is foreclosed on and the mortgage company takes a loss (and they usually do on a foreclosure) they can get a deficiency judgment against him (and Mom) requiring that the loss be paid (if your state allows deficiency judgments, and most states do). This can result in there being a lien placed against again *your* home (if you own one). The consequences of this situation could get very unpleasant. The good news is if the loan is not already delinquent (it sounds like maybe it's not past due yet, but as of September she won't be able to make the payment), then they have some time, because there's a legal process the mortgage company has to go through before they can foreclose. How long they have depends on the state you live in because the laws vary by state (it could be 2 months, 3 months, 6 months, etc). It’s hard to advise further without more details. Good luck to you.
My Great grandmother once told my grandmother that shouldn’t take excuses why not look after her husband when she’s really busy with the kids, that her kids were not going to be taken from her but her husband could be!! tell your husband on a very serious note but with compassion that you are with him for better or for worst, but he needs to understand that you and his child come first and that things like that need to be work as a family, he should have never kept that from you but you also need to ask yourself if you did something to making feel that he was not going to go anywhere by telling you that. Make sure you work on that for the future. Tell him that marriage is like a plant, with no water it will go dry and with too much water it will drown, the both of you together have to search for a balance!! Hard times will follow but you have to understand that more than likely, right or wrong he did what he thought it was best for everyone. Marriage is a wonderfully blessing don’t leave him for just one mistake, that the easy way out!! Work things out and spend some time all of you together as a family specially dinner time, every day if possible!! And also pray and Go to church together as a family!! That will help; also if you see that things are not improving much seek help from your pastor or priest, or even a marriage counselor!! God bless and take care!!
I am assuming he is an only child. If this is the only problem the two of you have stay and work it out. Also, try to look at it in his point of view if it were your parents. I know, it sucks big time. You have a daughter you both love and you need to look at her best interest. She,(his mother) on the other hand needs to think about her sons credit and what it is going to do to him and how it will effect his family. He needs to set down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Perhaps you could be with him when he does. Be supportive of him. and show her that you can be and maybe that will get the ball rolling. Good Luck to you
...This is why I handle all the money in the household. You really need to have a serious talk with him. Tell him you don't mind helping out, but this is over-the-top. Unless you are rich, you don't have 50,000 to be giving to ANYONE- even his mother. If his mother needs a place to stay, fine- she can stay with you. But you just don't give people that much money. Tell him you and your daughter needs to come first- and threaten to leave. Maybe even stay with someone else for a while. If this doesn't make him change, then maybe you should stay separated. I don't believe in divorce, so I won't advise that. His mother is a grown woman and needs to deal with her own problems. If she has mental problems, try to get her help with a doctor instead of giving her money should could blow. If she has mental problems, she can't be relied on to make logical decisions on how to spend money. I know, because my mother was mentally ill.
Really? leave your husband because of his mother? he's doing his best give him a break. if it was ANYONE ELSE then I'd say ok give it a second thought, but it's his mother, his creator. SHE RAISED HIM so to him her behavior is the norm and that's how he grew up. you knew this before you married him. it's not a big enough problem to leave him for. respect him and let him learn on his own. as women we always wanna take control and tell people what to do and what choices to make. sometimes we know better, and they don't listen. he's a grown man and you don't own him, mother is a super important person and you need to stop making him feel like an idiot and support him and respect him, and then maybe he'll be willing to accept your suggestions regarding his mother.
If you love him stay,you have a child.However you will have to have separate checking and savings accounts. It was deceitful not to tell you about the co-signing.Worse yet is the mother that uses her son. I would not fault him because he loves his mother.He is in debt for 50 thousand and you are his partner and wife. Worry about your own house and let them suffer the consequences.It's their problem. She's waiting for him to come through AGAIN.But above all keep your own credit good.Bottom line is will your life and your child's be better with him or without.It's a hard decision when you are angry.Don't make any decisions until you get your emotions back to normal.
Your husband is an idiot to ruin the family credit and jeopardize his child's college education fund and you may tell him I said so. How did she get a hold of the money to spend it? Your husband can go live with his mother so far as I care. Get yourself a tax attorney or CPA immediately to find out how to handle the tax problems for next year's filing before it hits you. Leave him while you try to work it out. Then leave him.
After 13 years, if he hasn't learned it makes for a good marriage to consult his wife on a decision which could affect all your lives, he's never going to learn. His credit rating will affect you also. I guess there are no siblings to help deal with the mother in law, but what happens to her after the house is sold? Please do not allow her into your house-this is asking for disaster, especially since your husband can't set his prioritys. I don't think I could stand my husband keeping secrets like this from me.
I think you are reasonable in your expectation that he NOT cancel time with you, for them Helena "friends"...But, I think you are VERY unreasonable in your fretting about gifts he buys his mother or sister, or the fact you may not care for where he has plans to take them. You say he gets upset when you want to discuss it? The answer to that? You make your own plans with girlfriends Helena go somewhere without HIM (-and someplace nice and/or fun...learn to BE with yourself when the occasion rises...good practice!) If he moans/complains? You quietly say, "When you're ready to discuss the REAL problem? I'll be waiting..." I think that is subtle enough for him to "get" (as so often, men do almost need a "2 x 4" upside the head on such matters! Figuratively speaking, of course!) You need to think about all this dear...AND? Your role in being childish as well. Grace
Try to work it out by making him be honest and upfront with you about all things concerning his mother. He must know she's sketchy, which is why he kept it a secret. If you guys go to church I suggest you talk to the head of your church about it, and hopefully they will take to him and put some shame as well as a reality check into his head