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She is mad at me and had Kelly go looking with her. I told her I would just rather wear one of the 20 black pairs of shoes I already own. I also told her, I already had several pairs of peep show pumps and I would wear them BUT they don’t match the dress and they are not from the 40s!! I also made her upset because I don’t agree with what she is trying to do…. Now she is talking about having a 5 hour reception with 2 hour open bar, 2 hour cash bar and close the bar 1 hour early. I told her I was at a wedding were they closed the bar an hour early and everyone left. Close the bar and the party is done. And she got really upset about that but I said I am just letting you know because people go home or go to another bar because they think it’s over. I also do not think that guest should have to pay for alcohol and instead of trying to have 3 fancy meals and all these fancy appetizers- just serve 1 meal and have open bar. Or just have beer and wine in the open bar.
And she really didn’t like any of my suggestion. And then she trying to show me the places but was getting mad when I am just like “whatever”, like your guest are not going to care if the place has a sled full of presents… they are going to care they have to pay the bar $6.00 for every drink they get. I told her again to look at halls and she got mad at me and told me they didn’t hold over 100 people and I told her Then maybe you shouldn’t have more then 100 people at your wedding. So that was the end of the wedding “talk”. I don’t want to make her mad or hurt her feelings but I just think she is going about it the wrong way and I am not going to Sheffield a place that $100 for just food to appease her. I want her to be happy but I just don’t think she is getting the big picture and I told her those are nice places but I won’t pay those types of prices so I won’t encourage someone else too.
Hun, You can lead the horse to the water, but you cannot make it drink. She is stubborn and has no clue what she wants and what she's facing. I think that you have been more than helpful and considerate, but she just doesn't listen. Hre view of reality is based on what she "wants" rather than what she can "afford" and she's making you feel guilty because you can have the wedding of your dreams and she doesn't!! That's the sore issue and that's the truth! You are trying to be helpful but instead, she is feeling that you are bringing her down or downplaying the wedding. She won;t see the light until she gests into a contract and have to pay a deposit. She won't see the light until she sees how much it would costo to feed 100+ people. Once someone shows her the bill she will have to come down her high horse and downsize and cut corners... I'm sorry to say that she has champagne dreams on a beer budget and she's blaming everybody by herself !!!!! You guys seem not to be able to communicate. I know that you are right because you have seen/looked/compared for your own wedding...so now let her find out for HERSELF. Good sensible advice is fallen into deaf ears, so don't waste time with her anymore. Let her find out on her own, she's out for a rude awakening. I'm sorry to hear that you were stuck with her for a whole weekend. My advice, show her the pair of shoes that you want to wear at her wedding, yes, black is a colro that youc an match without expending more. She's being inconsiderate, for heaven's sake, how different yet another pair of black shoes can be? Let her learn on her own, steer clear until she figures it out. I'm sure that the issue here is her nor being able to afford things but she's too proud to admit it. And you both are stuck in a wedding-measurement contest. My advice? Don't waste your breath and tell her that it's going to be lovely either way. Good luck
I think your first mistake is that you are making this all about what you want and what you would do. If you are not happy about your friend's decisions about HER wedding either suck it up and let her do what she wants or step down and either be a guest or don't go. Just because you have been to A wedding that supposedly ended when the bar closed does not make you an expert. Your second mistake is that you are not being the friend she chose as a bridesmaid, you are being a dictator and you are making your friend miserable, I think in wedding terms you are being a "Bridesmaidzilla." Support your friend and let her make the decisions and if she asks you if you think that this would work then give your opinion, other then that keep your criticisms to yourself and go with the flow. Brides always do things differently with their weddings, and you can't change somebody because of how you would do it. She may want to close the bar an hour before so people can sober up to drive and get home safely instead of having a big group of drunk people who won't remember what they did that night. When you get married you can have all the say that you want in how you plan your wedding and reception. Don't lose a friendship over stupid remarks and comments.
This is her wedding correct? We had an open bar and an appetizer wdding for 125 people and it was IDEAL. I agree with the open bar, as long as you serve them some food, to limit a liability issue. Some people are driven by their families to have big events..if she is sucked into that, not a lot you can do. No one is going to care about the shoes. Wear some that are COMFORTABLE~ That is the key.. Offering her advice is helpful, but don't get frustrated when she doesn't take it. Remember, she probably has 100 other people giving her advice!
Bubs--just quit giving her advise. She's asking for it, but not taking it--and she doesn't HAVE to take your advise, by the way. The next time she asks your opinion, tell her you'll give it, but she can't get upset about it. You know, if you don't want the answer, don't ask the question type deal. If she honestly wants your opinion, then she needs to simply take it for what it's worth, and move on. She doesn't have to follow your suggestions to the letter, but she should accept your suggestions--especially since she's asking for them--graciously. I would also, for the sake of peace, just start agreeing with her crazed ideas. It's not your money she's spending, right? If she wants to pay $100 for bad food, and you've told her where to go instead, and she doesn't want to, it's her problem, not yours. I think you're 100% right on the bar issue too, if I couldn't afford a full open bar, then I would do wine and beer and leave it at that--I would no way offer a cash bar. But that's you and me, and plenty of other people disagree with us. You're offering her good suggestions, and ones that I would point out too, but if she's not going to take them, then she's not going to take them. This is where you've got to say "it's not my wedding, it's not my wedding..." On the shoes, you either go along with her since you agreed to be a bridesmaid, or drop out of the wedding, because it doesn't sound like she's going to budge at all. You might want to consider that too sweetie, not to be nasty and mean to her, but it's causing you SO much more stress coming right on the heels of your own wedding. I can see where you're coming from on this, it's like that line in "Legally Blonde"--"What kind of shoes are these? Uh...Black ones?" But it is her wedding, and if she wants her bridesmaids to all wear the same shoe, then they'll all wear the same shoe. Yes, I think she's psychotic, and yes, I think she's being completely unreasonable here. But you've got to stop letting it affect you and stress YOU out. It's her problem, let her deal with it. Remember what I said last week..."Lack of planning on your part does NOT create an emergency on my part." I wouldn't buy the shoes though UNTIL you know for sure this sucker's going off, you do have that option. But seriously, reconsider being in her wedding. From where I'm sitting, it's causing you WAY too much stress, and probably her as well. You guys are arguing about shoes here. That's 2 very stressed women who are about to blow what's probably been, up to this point, a very good friendship--since you're both in each other's weddings. Just ask yourself if it's all worth it, ok?
Hun, your job as the bridesmaid is to support the bride, not make her more stressed and upset. While it may not be what you'd do or what you think she might want in the long run, if she already had the bar thing situated or the food figured out, leave it alone...what good will telling her its a bad idea after she's already made arrangments do? And if she hasn't booked this stuff yet, then mentioning this stuff is fine, but it seems like you've found a problem with everything she's done. If you have a problem, keep it to yourself at this point.
I think the cash bar part is bad but I don't disagree about closing the bar an hour early. People need time to sober up before driving home. I'm not having a bunch of DWI's on my conciense and my bar will be closing an hour early too and a coffee/hot coco bar will be in it's place. If people want to leave tipsy then its on their heads. As far as the shoe thing...seriously. Just drop out or deal with it. You know she's bieng bridezilla bout the shoes so if you stay in then you made your bed so lie in it. If you think her wedding will suck then don't go. Having a great wedding or a crappy one his her choice. Why do you really care?
Its her wedding her money and you agreed to be her bridesmaid to appease her, Suck it up is all i can say thats how brides are. The open bar for part then cash bar is fine I have seen it done and if you are too cheap to buy your own booze you shouldnt drink. ALl those close to her will stay and the lush's will leave. Let her plan her wedding it's her big day not yours. And shell do it how she wants regardless of what you say,
Your job is to support her and her decisions, not to tell her what to do for her wedding. You aren't the one who's supposed to be planning it, that's her job. Just let her do what she wants with the bar and when she tells you her plans for location, food, etc, say "that sounds good." She doesn't want you to plan it, she just wants someone who will listen and be on her side. I think your only real problem here is the shoes. Let her know you have a number of pairs of black shoes already and she's welcome to look through them and choose the ones she likes best. If she doesn't want to do that, tell her that you can't afford another pair and if she is able to help you pay for them you'd appreciate it, but otherwise you're going to have to wear shoes that you already own.
I have a strange funny feeling my friend and I will be just like that although I just comment and tell her it's her wedding and then offer other suggestions. My take on it is to just let her have her wedding....If she wants 5 5-course meals and one hour open bar, then let her. But give her your advice like you did. That is all you can do...She wants her wedding her way and well, your not always going to see things excatly like she is. I just don't understand why they don't do it themselves...Why do we have to help them? It just turns into a big argument.
The job and status stuff is irrelevant. The fact that he was so rude and your friends got the impression that he was trying to take you away from the group is incredibly relevant. Two and a half months is not that long. It could have been a bad start with them or they could be picking up signs from him that might indicate future controlling and emotionally abusive behavior. Woah, just reread - he loves you after only two and a half months?! I think your friends might be onto something serious. If you keep dating him, watch this. And have him around your friends as often as you can.