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1. You obtain you first job as Mario Lemieux housekeep/maid/daytime cook. While working there, Sidney Crosby asks you to make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich…..so you make the sandwich for him. When you give it to The Kid, he says, “Sorry, but I would like chips with that too.” You go back to the kitchen and add some chips the plate. When you deliver his lunch again, he asks if you can cut the crusts off the sandwich. So, you go cut off the crusts. After all of this…he seems pretty happy. Several hours later, you go to clean his room, & you discover that he never even ate his lunch……didn’t even touch it. Do you open a can of revenge Sheffield just let it go (heck, you get to see two hockey greats every day)? If you opt for revenge, what do you do? 2. You obtain a custodial position at the nearest professional hockey arena. One day, you are asked to revarnish and cut off an extra 2 feet of the “guest” player’s bench. Hey, a job is a job, so you do as you are told. Do you lose any sleep that night? 3. You are Gary Bettman’s personal assistant. You spend your days fetching him items, getting him coffee, and making his appointments. After several months, he gets comfortable around you, and you discover that he loves dancing around to Barbara Streisand in women’s clothing and makeup whenever nobody is around. You know that you could make a quick buck releasing a picture of this to the media, but he truly has been a good boss and always treated you fairly. Do you just keep his secret, or decided to make some extra cash by exploiting his odd behavior? 4. You are now the executive director of NHL Merchandizing. Good for you. Gary said your first task is to come up with an item that can be used AT a hockey game. What idea do you have? (No, you can’t pick thunder sticks, clothing, or towels….too easy) 5. You are now the Managing Public Relation spokesperson for the NHLPA. Some Newspaper snoop discovered that the CBA was passed illegally, therefore all players that have played for the last handful of years will be subject to paying penalties for making their salaries unlawfully. Versus, ESPN, CBC, and several other news organizations demand a press conference. With all of this stress, you have decided to resign….and since you are so awesome….you decide to resign with two sentences at this press conference for all of North America to hear. What do you say in those two sentences? Pre-sorry for any typos.....I am on my third Jolt.....early heart attack....here I come!
1. I'd smack the grease-pencil mustache right off his face. F*** it, I don't need this job. 2. I'd turn my supervisor in to the NHL. F*** it, I don't need this job. 3. I'd go for the extra cash. F*** it, I don't need this job. 4. I'd give 'em thundersticks and towels and then resign. F*** it, I don't need this job. 5. *Ahem* Sentence 1: "F*** it." Sentence 2: "I don't need this job."
1) Revenge must be taken. "Altering" food is illegal and its boring and unimaginative. For starters, he won't walk into a room without seeing that PBJ and the chips until he's dead or until he eats the sandwich. The kind I'm talking about takes a while, but is perfectly legal and is far worse and causes the kind of destruction and emotional duress that must be allowed to age slowly and released at the peak of possible destruction and impact. 2) I don't ask...I just do. See below for an explanation. 3) The number of secrets that I will take to the grave is astounding, but that's the deal (back when I was working for a weekly paper (those are all dying quickly) I had numerous sources in varying roles...nobody likes a rat). I don't care if Gary likes to dress up in womens clothing and sing show tunes or whatever. 4) NHLager. Sold in those plastic bottles that have the home team's logo on. That, and "no Bettman" tshirts. Tshirts that have Gary's mug on it, with the red circle and a line through it. Genius. The rubes that hate Bettman cash their pogey to buy these things, and where does the money go? Brilliant and evil at the same time. 5) To borrow a quote from Nick Faldo, "I'd like to thank all of you from the heart of my bottom." Toodles!
1. The first time it happened I would let it go. If it happened on a regular basis I would probably do something. When my brother wouldn't clean up his mess in the kitchen after I had just cleaned it I got a whole bunch of things from the fridge, mixed it together and put it under his bed. It was very satisfying when a few days later his room was starting to stink and my "concoction" was found and he was chided for being careless. I would probably do something similar to that. 2. Meh, a job is a job. I'm not going to lose any sleep over doing my job. 3. I videotape, it just in case but I leave him be...for now. *Evil laugh* 4. Somebody asked a question similar to this before and I'll just answer the way I did before. Wigs with the colours team on it. It's goofy and I'm sure people who had a little too much too drink would buy it. Come playoff time I'm sure it would be a hot seller. Fake tattoos would be okay too. Even pogs (those things they had back in the '90s) with each NHL team's logo would be pretty cool for kids. 5. The NHL is deeply sorry for any stress/harm for the problems caused by .... (said incident). At this time, I feel it is in my best interest to resign, thank you. (Lame, I know).
1) I thought that job was already Sid's? I take the revenge route. I sneak some alone time with the cup on Sid's day, make a #2 in it and make it look like it was Sid. 2) Not at all. Being a good employee, I also mark and scuff it to look like it had always been that way. 3) I exploit the situation. The Hockey News would pay like a tabloid for those pictures. 4) Team Logo Cod Pieces 5) The league made an oopsie. I quit.
1) Would never happen - he's younger than me, he can make his own damned sandwich 2) All's fair - so the backup goalie for the visitors has to sit in the toilet, I lose no sleep 3) LOL - me as his assistant - hardly - but I do have some pictures and it's a gorilla suit he wears while dancing to the Banana Splits theme 4) A Gary Bettman mask with all the teeth missing, two black eyes and a puck embedded in the forehead and a Bill Daly mask done up like Mimi from the Drew Carey show. 5) Good evening ladies and germs. This is all funged up, I didn't do it so kiss my behind I'm outta here.
1) I think I'd be a good person and give him a tuna sandwich. But, then I'd probably hide the tuna sandwich deep in his closet so he cant find it, then I'd take an other can of tuna and put it in the vent to his room and super glue it shut. 2) Hey money's money, it looks the same in the bank. 3) I wait til he pisses me off and then I have blackmail. Is that why the Penguins won the Cup? Somoene blackmailed him with that photo so the Penguins could win? Go figure... 4) Well right now the most convienent thing I can think of is a nach hat... hmm... how about some sort of thing... like an action kind of figure type thing and you pull the string and each time you pull it, it yells an insult at the ref... or something that dispenses beer at your pleasure. I'm leaning toward the second one... 5) "Enjoy the sloppy seconds I have left as my replacement. That's all I got to say about that."
1. First off I will gladdly cook a real meal for someone anyday.. but if your are not self sufficaint enough to make a pbj then for you deserve a little revenege to be had on you... nothing big just snap some compromising pictures then hold them ransome for a share of some of that sponser money... HOWEVER if super mario gave me nights off and i got to live there too.. then crosby could leave ever PBJ untouched until i was able to tile the bathroom with the moldy mofos for all i care... 2. haha no way... me have a moral delema? I would refuse to revarnish tho... let them collect splinters for all i care. 3. I would get the best of both worlds and tell him i enjoy working for him but that my silence comes with a pay increase and quartly bounses... then i would tell him how much sht pepople talk about him on here and make him pay me to be his advacate 4. im gunna say free dry erase markers and dry erase boards with team colors...TAKE THAT FCC! 5. Thank god im just a monkey in a suit. You can tear the new guy a new a hole for this not me.
1. Those stained sheets suddenly appear on Mario's daughter's bed, and cops called... Never waste Mr Argentina's time. 2. Mr Argentina never loses sleep over something like that. Mr Argentina though is sorry that he used the wrong varnish and this one laves pants with a dark stain. 3. Mr Argentina refuses to betray his employers confidence. Mr Bettmans secret is safe as long as the off shore account stays full. Mr Argentina is not responsible for his actions when he is hungry. 4. The crowd would now receive blindfolds, they are to be used when the game is not going the way the league would enjoy the outcome of. 5. Mr Argentina would assure everyone there was no problem with the CBA and that the reporter that broke the story is looking for 15minutes of fame to use to gain money. Mr Argentina hears that he has several large hospital bills from a recent accident, hopefully it will not be life threatening though.
1)I make Sid sit in a corner with that sandwich and he has to stay there until it is all eaten. You do not waste food. 2)No. I don't . How do you varnish metal benches? Just want to know so I can finish my job. 3)I will keep his secret . Until he does something to piss me off or he insults me personally. 4)NHL Team branded shot glasses on a rope. You wear it around your neck and it comes with a punch card . Good for one game . You are allowed to fill it up ten times with any beverage anywhere in the arena. Kids can use it for soda. Adults ,ANY beverage. 5)It didn't do it. I am out of here.
1) Laugh it off and tell all y'all on y/a about it 2) Gimme a bonus, or trade me right fu**ing now 3) Make some cash. It's a well known fact he swings that way. 4) Blowhorns like the one I got at the Mexico - USA soccer game last week. 5) Oy vey .. a job with room for advancement !! I would give the rights to CBC / SRC in Canada, ESPN in the States, and give people the option of watching playoff games on either cable or free tv (by free tv I mean a channel like NBC, FOX, etc.)
1. If he ever asked for a sandwich again, I'd crap in it, and say its a Penguin sandwich. Then I'd torch the house, and those two with it. 2. I don't get it... 3. I videotape it and then sell it to the media for millions, and then torch his house too. 4. Cowbells, what the heck... 5. Screw the Penguins and Bettman. I friggin QUIT!