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I'm 20, I'm just starting my 2nd year doing a BHSc Occupational Therapy degree and I absolutely hate it. I don't want to be an o.t. The only reason I started the degree is because my parents are both professionals (clinical psychologist, GP) and both acted really passive/aggressively dissapointed in me when I first said I didn't know what to do at college and decided to just work for a while instead. So I jumped in and it was a huge mistake. I feel stuck and trapped, if I say I want out I already have $13,000 of a student loan to pay back, and no plans whatsoever for a future. I just don't know what I want to be, I have no idea. I will disappoint them a lot if I say I want to drop out, and I will be seen as a failure by everyone around me. I already have suffered/am still in the process of recovery from anorexia nervosa, depression, sleeping disorder, possible BPD (too young to be oficially diagnosed with a personality disorder apparently), but I do present myself very well. People who don't know me wouldn't have a clue about any of the things I battle in my head each day. What am I supposed to do? Disappoint my parents or continue this degree hating my life more each day? I feel myself slipping into my old ways. I want to make myself sick so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I have nobody to talk to (only live with my mum, shes working 24/7, no siblings, no friends). Please help me make a decision :(
You don't have to be stuck in the degree if you don't like it! Since you have been exposed to many different courses now by the time you've gotten this far, have you been able to determine anything you are actually interested in? It is definitely not too late to change your major. In fact if you are interested in something even remotely similar to what you've been majoring in, chances are your credits earned will just count towards the new major requirements. If not, you've fulfilled General Ed requirements probably, and certainly elective credits. Someone I know just changed her major in her third year of college -- talk about indecisive! --but, it CAN be done, and it won't destroy your life (at least not the way being stuck in an occupation you hate might)! Really, in the long run, it is your life and not your parent's, and even though it's ridiculously hard to go for what you want when it's not what they want, please try to look ahead to when you are 40 or 50 years old, looking BACK at this time in your life. Winter Garden the long run, your parents' 'disappointment' attitude will probably not stack up to the disappointment you'd feel from letting THAT ruin your happiness in a career path you enjoy. I do not recommend taking a semester off, though, to decide. I have known way too many people who did that and it really does make you less motivated to finish school - and if you're looking not to waste your $13,000, you would want to avoid that. It'll only demotivate you more. If you really don't know what you want to do or be, you will still gain a huge advantage in the work world from having a degree. See if your school allows you to complete a 2-year associates degree: you don't know, you might already have fulfilled that. If not, consider switching to your school's Liberal Arts program. That is basically a general degree that doesn't necessarily specialize you in anything, but it would show employers you have a good work ethic and were able to complete the requirements of a higher education degree! many people who will be vying for some of the same jobs you might be, will not have that and it will be worth the money you put into it! I hope that you have good luck with overcoming your disorders and problems. Try not to wait on becoming "officially diagnosed" with things, but work on the problems you see in your life coming from them. There are some people who (even unconsciously) are satisfied with a couple good diagnoses and a perescription or two to allow them to mope about and feel sorry for themselves, or to not take action to fix the problems that are in their life. Then, on the other hand, there are people whose goal is to actually remedy the issues they see in their life. Try to take on your problems! Maybe you would end up with higher self esteem in general if you felt that your life was more in-sync with your own needs and interests rather than your parent's. Also, don't worry about being a failure to those "around you" - you should worry about failing yourself! The worst kind of motivation is that which is only in you for the satisfaction of the people around you, and the best is when you're doing it for your own satisfaction, benefit, and growth. Realize that a degree isn't just to prove something to the people around you, but rather to legit qualify you to receive more money when you get a job and allow you to be eligible for more opportunities. Keep a good attitude and I think you will be able to find some hope in this situation! Sorry that I wrote you an essay pretty much haha