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I've asked this before but still feel bad. My step mom (who I guess consider my real mum now), and my dad have always treated my younger brother as their favourite. I've always been "the other son". I grew up constantly beeing bullied by my parents. After I went away to university and began working four part time jobs besides going to school full time, I got my own apartment and our relationship improved. THey only visited me in Greensboro (I lived in Atlanta and emigrated to the UK and been living here for five years) three times and that included my graduation. They went to see my brother all the time. Now, my brother is about to be married and my place of employment won't give me the time off due to them becoming a lot more strict due to teachers taking off for odd reasons. If I do take the time off, I won't be paid for those days I'm off. Lets see, it takes one day to fly to the US, attend the wedding and parties which will take two days, the plane ticket is about 700, 200 for tux, 100 for hotel rooms each night. I don't have that kind of money. However, my family are giving me the cold shoulder. They never call anymore. Of course they are at my brothers house all the time. For the past three years, my brother has acted cocky and an asshole. He throws up mistakes that I've made in the past and the tickets that I've gotten and was able to explain why I got each ticket (where did he get that information). He threw up the fact that my students gave me low ratings of ratemyteachers.com , about how many stores and shops I've worked at (and he never worked at any when he was in college or high school, just carried around my maternal grandfather's credit card around). He has his college paid for. My father only paid for one year and I had to take out loans to cover tuition and living expenses. Bottom line, my family doesn't want me around unless it is convenient for them. I'm sick of doing things for family members when they never call to see how I'm doing or never give me a thought. What are your ideas on this. BTW, my family never talks about me (so I've been told by SEVERAL members of other family members). Your ideas please
You can't make someone love you or respect you. As hard as it might be you have to let this relationship die. They know how to reach you if they need to. I'd write an email or letter saying how it's impossible for you to take the time from work and explain that you really can't afford the cost. Wish your brother well, say how sorry you are that you can't be there etc.... and poof! you're done with them. You don't contact them anymore and let them contact you. If/when they do you are polite and answer their questions but ask very little in return. You can ask how a relative is, comment on the weather, discuss ACC basketball if it's the right season etc.... They only have the power to hurt you if YOU open the door to them and invite them in.
Look kid, you don't need to waste your energy on people who make you feel less than who you are (even if they're "family"). For whatever reason your own parents have made it clear to you that your brother is the "fave" one. Oh well. It happens. Get over it (it's not worth another minute of your time). If you can't afford to attend fave brother's wedding, and you figure you won't be truly missed (except maybe for appearance sake), then don't go and don't give it another thought. Send brother a congratulations card that includes a short note of apology and a nice big fat check ($200). And who cares if they never talk to you again - it's not like they've made you feel warm and fuzzy over the years anyway. Now, what I am concerned about is why you have low teaching ratings on ratemyteachers.com What's that all about? Are you suffering from depression, low self-esteem, anger management, the me-me-me syndrome which is spilling over onto your students (kids can read people like a book)? Why do you feel it necessary to go on and on about your stupid brother and your stupid parents? So what - some of us get the "bad" families. Stop boo hoo'ing about it and get on with YOUR life. I'd recommend that you seek counseling and find out how you can become the person you are meant to be. A strong, independent, self-confident teacher and human being. And eating healthy foods, taking Calcium/Vitamin D supplements, and exercising (fifteen minute walk per day minimum), taking additional courses to improve your teaching skills won't hurt either. Good luck!
Considering the financial problems this wedding would create for you I probably wouldn't go. I would just send a nice (not overly expensive, because they probably wouldn't appreciate it anyway) present along with a card wishing them well. I would stick it in the mail and make sure it would arrive in plenty of time for the wedding and then I would forget about feeling guilty. Your family has made it very clear they are not really concerned about your being in attendance. They appear to only want you there so you, along with everyone else, can shower your brother with praise and kudos. Being there would only make you feel worse and just remind you of how unfair the treatment between you is. Send the gift, stay home, take yourself out for a nice dinner and forget all about the wedding. Enjoy the dinner.
You need to live your own life. I might be hard but if your family is only doing negative things to you they are abusing you and you have to realise that. Turn your back on them as they have done a long time ago with you. You have done realy well to get where you are, sao do not let them use you as a punch bag. Say NO, a word which is very hard to say especially to relatives, who expect things of you all the time. why do you have to stay in a hotel anyway, they should offered yu a place to stay and how would they treat you when yo are there? Would they be pleased to see you? If not don't go, you are not obliged to do anythng for them at all. Make a decision: no more. Like my daughter always says: I am not having it !!!!!!!
I suggest you sit down with them or write them a letter about how you feel. From the sound of it you could make miracles happen and they would still prefer your brother. As hard as it may be, I personally don't think it's worth trying anymore than you already have. I've been there and I tried as hard as I could but in the end it didn't make a difference. I know how you feel about them paying for all your brother's expences as my parents did that for my sister. But you know what? You should be proud that you've managed to do everything yourself with as little help as possible. You've done well, you got a good job and that's not thanks to your parents. If your brother has to bring up your mistakes to make himself look better then that tells more about him than about you. It's unreasonable for people to expect you to attend the wedding if you can't afford to do so. I'm getting married in a different country in 2 years, if people can't attend for financial reasons that's fair enough. You don't demand that they put themselves in debt just to attend a wedding. It's not worth the heartache over if they obviously don't care and don't talk to you. You don't owe them anything. Stick to the people that do care about you, it's your parents and brother who are missing out, not you!
At the end of the day if you cant afford it and cant afford the time of work and you know you wont be appreciated for being there then its completely up to you. you should ring your brother and just explain that you would love to be there (so you dont look like the baddy) but there is no way you could afford it and youve tried thinking of other ways but there is no ways around it, if he really wants you there as his brother he will find a way of getting there with the help of your parents, if he doesnt then you know where u stand x
You have a much bigger problem here than going to your brother's wedding. this sounds like a case of family resentment. have you ever asked your parents why they resent you? there are lots of reasons why parents sometimes resent their children. i have a friend whose mother and she never got along, and one day it came out that when her mother got pregnant with her, they were very poor and already had two other children and so her mother resented being pregnant yet again, and that resentment lasted all these years. i am not saying that it is right or that an innocent child should be blamed or ill treated because they came at an inconvenient time or in some way brought pain or unhappiness into their parent's lives, but the fact is that people are human and often allow things to affect them which end up making their relationships bad, even with their own children. you need to get to the bottom of the reason why your family treats you this way. if it is because of the things you have done or mistakes you have made, then you will have to make an effort to make amends and do what you can toward repairation. if it is something your parents have a problem with that is not your fault or in anyway aggrevated by you, then you will have to just forgive them for being weak and imperfect and do the best you can to get along. if you don't know that the problem is, then ask them to tell you. parents are often astounded that their children feel the way you do and when it is brought to their attention, will sometimes do something about changing the way the relate to their child. many times, people just fall into behavior patterns out of habit and they don't even realize what they are doing is injuring or damaging the other person. so, before you think about cutting your family off or turning away from them, make an effort to see what the problem is. the fact that you have received low ratings from your students and have worked a number of jobs, added to your own family's behavior toward you says to me that you may have some personality problems which put people off and you may find that you need to work on yourself. people who always think that every bad situation that arises is someone else's fault and do nothing to own their own part of the responsibility in the problem (and believe me, ALL relationship problems are two sided) end up going through life leaving a trail of bad or broken relationships behind them. don't let your life be like that. hope it all works out. oh, by the way....a person should never let money be the reason for not being part of something as important as a wedding. you don't have to wear a tux unless you are in the wedding party and you can stay with family or friends or a much cheaper motel. and you can let down your pride and ask the family for help with the ticket. hope this works out.
You won't like my answer, but here it goes: It is your family whether you like it or not. One cannot choose our own family and unfortunately, we are stuck with them for life. A wedding is a once in a lifetime occurrence and an important family event. IMO, you should have made the sacrifice to attend. A lot of people get days unpaid (yes, even teachers) when the circumstances so merit, this is one of those circumstances. It seems to me that even though you have valid points, one should put those feelings aside when it comes to weddings, funerals and births. You are not helping the situation by choosing to alienate yourself and not putting any effort whatsoever. Taking time off and jumping on a plane is the least you can do for your own brother's wedding. I'm sure that if you talk to your parents about your desire to attend but being short on cash, I'm sure that they will be happy to accommodate you in their home and help you out. Good luck
No, don't be. They obviously couldn't care less & you didn't have the money.