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Im 20 years old and my parents have been married 25 years. they were doing great and my mom had no idea my dad stopped loving her and neither did I. She stuck with him through medical school, through having no money and through tons of moves. He has always been a great dad and husband. My parents were planning on moving to Arlington, near me, in a month because my dad got a even better medical position. My mom worked hard to sell the house and get everything in order. She was driving down to dallas today and he called her when she was 30 min out and told her "im having an affair and I dont love you anymore, were over". Im so shocked. He then called me and told me he was cheating on m mom and they are getting a divorce. he wouldnt tell us who it was but we found out it is his "first love" that broke his heart. She got divorced and now is with him i suppose. She is in Cali now and we are in Waycross so I guess shes moving here. I dont know what to do. One second they are moving here and another he divorces her over the phone?!!? What do I do and how do I act around my dad now. I just had my first child a month ago and they were supposed to be coming to arlington to be closer to denton but now I dont know what he is doing.
Take if from someone whose parents went through a very ugly divorce over, you guessed it, an affair. Actually, the affair was the icing on the cake, but we don't need to go further into that. Do what your heart tells you is right. You have every right to be pissed off, hurt, heart broken, etc. He betrayed not only your mother, but you as well. He went against the trust of his family and went about breaking things off with your mother the way a coward would. You do not have to like this woman he's bringing into his life, you don't have to like him either. It took me ten years to even want to be around my father after my parent's divorced. I even legally changed my last name, taking my mother's maiden name. I don't regret it. He hurt us. He destroyed our family and we were left to pick up the pieces. What you can do is be there for your mom. She just moved to be closer to you, so make sure that she doesn't feel alone in her new place. Visit often. Call her often. Make sure she knows that you still love her, that you aren't going anywhere, and that your father's betrayal was not her fault. Divorce is very difficult. It can get ugly. But you and your mother will get through it, just stick together. I'm very sorry that you and your Mom are going through this. Stay strong.
Your parents were NOT "doing great" for 25 years. He was probably cheating on her for several years, and, in all likelihood, with more then one female. He just finally decided on leaving with THIS one. The only reason you and your mom thought everything was "going great" was because neither one of you knew any differently. That's the problem with knowledge. Once you know something, you can't go back to "not knowing". You might have been happier back when you didn't know, but that's not going to help you learn to accept this. And accept it you must. Because if you don't, all your going to be is angry and frustrated for the rest of your life. And no, it doesn't end when your dad dies of old age. You will continue being angry. And this anger will spill over onto any male in your life. You will also teach your children that this is what "normal" behavior is and you will raise angry children. And God forbid one or more of your kids turns out to be male. Think of how messed up a kid grows up when his mom loves him because he's her son AND hates him because he's male. (my mom did this very thing, but if you ask her, she'll deny it even to this day) Get rid of this anger. Or don't. But you now know what's going to happen either way.
I can't give you any better advice than rozwhelm did, so please re-read her answer. I have no right to say this to you, but as a man who has been married for 24 years myself, I am appalled at your father's behavior. It is a horrible betrayal of his loyal wife and of his family. There is no excuse. And if that woman ends up marrying your father, do you know what she'll have? She'll have a husband who has conclusively proven that he is willing to cheat on his wife.