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I have a very very long fuse, but I have really about had it. My mother in law is the kind of person who needs to feel loved and needed all the time and constantly guilt trips you and wants you to think she is this really great person, but she is really not. she has done several things in the two years since we were married that have made me want to throw in the towel entirely (on her, not my husband) 1. She would not let my husband grow up. After we got married I was APPALLED at the amount of things he did not know how to do for himself. The day after we got married he told his parents that it was okay for them to come with us to file our marraige cerificate. He did not know how to register his car. Stuff like that. This one was just a minor annoyance. I stopped letting her come along to do everything and made him do it himself so he could learn and that was that. 2. Then when he left at the airport after our wedding (he is in the army and had to go back to training without me :) ) his mom told us that she was going to forgive us some of the debt on the car she bought him as a wedding present (REALLY sweet except she renegged on it a couple months later) and asked when she would be filing our taxes for us. I was annoyed at that because he is married now and he does not need his mom to file his taxes, but I decided to let her do it anyway because I thought it would help her if there was still something she could do for him. 3. I made him change his address from her house to our apartment and then two weeks after the airport thing I open his mail to find out the the student loans she had told him she was paying on for over a year had long since gone into default and that they were about to report him to a creditor. He was THOUSANDS in debt without even knowing it because she had told him she was paying on it and then never given him the mail. 4. She filed the taxes so late that we did not get our return until OCTOBER 4. After I got pregnant she and his dad drove us up to Chicago to be in his sister's wedding and she didn't leave until 8 pm so we did not get there until 3 am the day of the wedding rehearsal and I only got 4 hours of sleep because they woke us up to eat (not to mention she chain smoked the WHOLE way, an 8 hour drive and I felt like I couldn't breathe by the time we got there). I hardly got to sleep or eat anything for two days and was constantly around cigarette smoke. 5. She will not get off our asses about having our marraige blessed by a priest even though neither of us have been to church in years and we are not Catholics. 6. She called my baby her baby. 7. She signed us up for this stupid thanksgiving box thing where we get a free meal delivered to us from a charity because she thought we were struggling financially (we were fine) and then when they called to find out where to deliver the food and I told them we did not need it she called my husband to yell at him about how I had turned it down and how I could have at least given HER the turkey. And then when I slaved all day to cook thanksgiving for the in-laws and have my house look immaculate she cancelled 1 HOUR before dinner because she "wasn't feeling well" I would have been sympathetic except she does this all the time. 8. When we called her to tell her the gender of our child she told us she didn't want to know. WTF. YOU are not the parent and I should not have to keep my shower neutral and call my baby it just for you. 9. His sister asked if I could host christmas lunch at the VERY last minute when my mom had asked MONTHS in advance if we would go to her house (my mom moved Christmas for them last year and once again the MIL CANCELLED so my mom moved Christmas for no reason). 10. When I said no (once agian I am PREGNANT) his sister YELLED at me (I know that does not have to do with the MIL, but it still pissed me off. 11. They set it up so that they could all go to chinese instead of my place and on Christmas I had AWFUL morning sickness so I sure as **** didn't want to be around food so I sent my husband to just go by himself and she and his other sister said something really snide about how I could go to my mom's house, but I couldn't go with them WTF his mom cancels all the time and I do it ONCE and I am a *****. 12. While there she wrote us both 25 dollar checks as Christmas presents and when we went to go deposit them lat week they both BOUNCED and we got charged 10 dollars for each returned check so our Christmas present cost us 20 dollars. I have really ABOUT had it. Am I overreacting, justified, what should I do about it?
Your issue is with your husband, not his mother. HIS issue is his mother...not you or your issues. try not going along with the crap she suggests. state your feelings firmly and directly, regardless as to how she will "see" it, or feel about it. talk with your husband and remind him that not only did you marry a MAN, but you did NOT marry his mother. tell him that he must let go of his mother, or he will be letting go of his wife. that should be said in a non-threatening tone too. it's the truth - not your opinion. stop accepting her assistance, and if he so chooses to continue accepting it, tell him that nothing will change on your end. tell him you will not change how you spend, what you buy, brands and all...and that if he feels like being responsible for whatever "help" he accepts, then he can handle it on his own. tell him you've wiped your hands completely of any assistance from his mom. then - above all else - actually MEAN it. don't just talk...or they'll continue walking all over you. good luck.
I can see why you've "had it" with her. But what are you going to do about it? She's not going away ... her son is the father of your children. What I think you need to do is work on not reacting to her pettiness and borderline meanness. This will be healthier for you for two reasons: 1. You'll have less heartburn and angst 2. It'll drive her nuts! <g> It won't do when your children get older for them to hear you talk bad about their grandma, or their aunties. It'll just make you look scary in their eyes. The way it stands now you're carrying the burden of her bad behavior. You need to put that down. There will always be times when you must get together with your husband's family. Be as calm as you can, smile when you don't feel like it ... and again take pleasure in the fact that you'll be making them crazy! I know that sounds hateful, but if it'll get you through, who cares? You don't mention it, but since your hubby is deployed ... is there any real reason you must live in the same town as his family? If he feels strongly about it ya'll could move back when he returns or leaves the service. Some physical distance may make it better. Best of luck to you! Every time she hurts you or makes you mad and you don't respond it's another star in your crown =D
Mother in laws can be a blessing but they can also be a pain in the butt. I was married 3 times first time 18 years but he passed on. His mother was so odd I wasn't sure if she was his mother. She had such a mean temper she kicked her children out at 14 when one was caught smoking and another drank. All through our marriage she compared me to hers. She was a deeply religious woman but my husband wasn't. She denied my son for two years saying his eyes were too blue. Hubbies was blue mine brown. I was going to hell because I would not convert to their religion ( I was baptized catholic) Even though we lived in the same town and she barely went out I had to call for an appointment to see her. After my husband was gone I cut my losses. Two years later I married a mama's boy. That was an invitation to insanity. She would call and ask how her son was doing (he drank a lot) If he was sick and I didn't give her the answer she wanted she would ask him. More times then not. D didn't know how to shop, budget his money, buy a car, or negotiate deals. I felt like his mother. I tried to make things work but his mother talked him into divorcing me because I couldn't have any more kids. He knew this and was satisfied with my three. He divorced me and went into bankruptcy because his mom told him. That marriage lasted 10 long years. I am now married to a wonderful man who's mom is a peach. She calls everyday asking about my boys and me. She even sat at the hospital once when I had to stay overnight for 4 days. Please have a heart to heart with hubby and tell him how you feel and tell him your not going to condone their behavior any more. I hope things work out because unless you cut the ties I worry for your marriage and sanity. Good Luck J NO your not over reacting but maybe your not getting your point across enough @--)----- J
No. you're not overreacting. I wouldn't cash a check from her anytime soon btw. Also, you and your husband need to get every financial issue under your control if you already haven't. Pay this woman what you owe her and never borrow from her again. I have no issue with women being assertive, taking care of things in concert with husbands and other male relatives. Your MIL is a lunatic, and I wouldn't afford her a title with mother in it if i were you. I was going to say your husband needs to tell mom where to go (away for several years), but your FIL needs to do this even more. It sounds like this has been going on for a long time, so your best bet is to get your man to cut his own chord. If you do live in SE Texas, I will be more than happy to check this monster of a woman. It's one thing to be stupid, but we used to do what it takes to keep people from inflicting their stupidity on others. We SHOULD get back to that.
Venting a bit are we? lol This is truely a no-win situation. Your dammed if you do and your dammed if you dont. I hate to tell you but your going to have to probably deal with her, of course it doesnt make it fair. I would do my best to make/keep peace but stand up for yourself when you feel youve been wronged (in a respectful manner of course). Oh and brace yourself, when that baby is born, she will only get worse. She will be trying to tell you that your not doing it right, because your not doing it the way she would. If I were you, as soon as your baby comes, and the first time it happens you need to nip it in the bud!!!! And calmly tell her that you appreciate her concern, you respect her opinion and that she has more experience of being a mother, but this is your child and that you and your spouse will be making the decisions on how to care for and raise the child. but that if you have any questions, she is the first call you will make for advice (even if shes not, she will never know it). but most importantly, dont make war it will only upset your hubby that his two best girls are fighting and hate each other.
OMG!! You really DO have a long fuse,....that stuff is retarded!! What is wrong with those people??? No you are totally justified,...the old hag is a serious pain. I would ignore them as much as I could, I would stop caring or giving a damn about accomodating them or pleasing them. You are better than that, you have tried time and again and quite frankly it sounds like these people will never be pleased or satisfied, so stop trying. Your husband is not going to leave you for his mother, so get more confidence and tell them to ef right off. To anger you is to control you.
She's passive-aggressive. (eg. gives you $25 checks for presents/nice thing: checks bounce and cost you $20/mean thing). People like her are hard to deal with. They are professionals at making you miserable, angry, and guilt ridden. Don't get mad, get smart. For example, if she gives you a check again for a present, say thank you and then throw it away. If she asks why didn't you cash it, say "Oh, didn't I? I will do it tomorrow." Make your plans as you see fit. If she shows up, she shows up. If not, no big deal. Never allow her to do anything important for you (taxes, parties, gift purchasing ,etc.) She will screw it up to hurt you. Politely say no, and mean it. Smile the whole time but don't give in. Just say, "No thanks, I'll do it it myself" Never put yourself in a position where she is in control of your actions (eg. never get in a car when she is driving, never let her make your plans) This will upset her and she will call you names, make snide remarks, any number of things to gain some control. Above all, smile politely and never get mean or nasty. "Never victimize a victim!!" She will want to be victimized to make you out to be the bad guy. Don't do it!! Don't do things to "get" her. It will backfire on you. Always remember that she is a professional at what she does.Never underestimate her! Smile, be nice, and be in control. She will also use your kids to control you. She will promise your children something and you will be the bad guy when you say no. She will then go through your husband. This is the tough part. He must be made to understand that you will not be made to be put under her control by his decisions. He will screw this up. He will want to keep peace with his mother. He will say Maryland on some simple thing and want you to go along. You will have to say no. Everyone, including your husband will be pissed at you. But eventually, your husband will learn not to obligate you for nothing. Good Luck!
Your not over reacting..you did actually try to let her help out and she screwed it up big time,oh and for number 12..next time take the check to her bank if you can that way if the money is not in there you will not be charged a fee she can not be trusted to give you a good check for that matter she can not be trusted to do your taxes, what ever you do don't let her pay the bills for you because if she don't pay them it could get your husband in trouble with the military my ex brother in laws wife did not pay the bills and he had to get out of the air force because of it
Your problem is with your husband, not really with your MIL. HE has to get a backbone and tell his mother to back off. Until he does, your life won't change and you will be miserable. Tell him to get off her tit and act like a man. I think I would be more apt to "smack" him than his mother just because he's allowing this to go on.
Since you already have a restraining order, only thing is to be very very careful until you move. Document every single threat, text, call. Sounds like she has serious problems.